Worry, obsession and thinking too much.

I have come to the conclusion that I worry, obsess and think about everything that has to do with Elsa's rearing. How do I make her a well rounded kid, that is gender blind, independent, hitting societal set milestones, educated, kind and empathetic, eats healthy foods not laden with chemicals, and on and on? There is so much that goes into molding a child into a productive member of society. And one thing that you are completely unaware of could derail all of it. So add that to the list, outside influences. Yay!

I am about to make an absolutely sexist comment here, and I really want to yell at myself, but I must do it. Women worry about the minutia of this stuff way more than men. Don't get me wrong, men worry too. However, when I look at facebook it is not men that are posting all the articles and blogs that deal with raising children.  Women are! We post and repost. Trying to connect with other women to validate that we are in fact doing what's right and best for our children.

A good portion of the articles and blogs are written to tell us it's ok not to be the perfect mom/parent. With the theme of don't be too hard on yourself, the kid will turn out ok. Those articles make me feel better for about, oh, a second. Then I move on to the next article about how American culture is detrimental to my child. It really is maddening.

The best article I found that gives members of the male persuasion a hint into what we as women (and yes I am generalizing big time) go through was about the contradictory messages we are presented with. It's pretty fun and really sums up what is happening in our brains. You should all read it. "I read all the major books on baby sleep. Here is what I learned."
You could literally replace sleeping with any other child rearing decision and it would be just as confusing and mind numbing.

I haven't figured out how to shut it all out. To say the hell with it, she is awesome and will always be awesome and that's that. If you have any tips, please let me know!

Meeting Great-Gramma

We took a trip down to south Florida, Plantation to be exact, to see my dad and my gramma.  This was the first time that Elsa met her great-gramma. We had a good time visiting and even got a yummy mango from their tree.

Goodbye Bubby

Yes I spelled that right. I always called Keegan "my little bubby." It has been a week since we had to say goodbye to Keegan. It has been rough, lots of crying. We have no idea how long he was sick, but it had to be for some time. He was a trooper in that he never showed he was sick. However, I wish he had. Maybe we could have caught it sooner and got him better. As it was, he was so sick that we were unable to save him. My main concern was making sure he wasn't suffering. I owed him that. Things are very different. When I pull into the driveway I cannot hear him barking. When I sneeze he doesn't go crazy. He isn't in the kitchen constantly begging for food. He isn't sleeping under my feet. And Elsa will never know him except from photos and videos. I've been asked if Brisco is sad. I think he may know Keegan isn't there. But although they were housemates and tolerated each other, I don't think Brisco will feel a deep sadness. So, I must say goodbye to my Keeger, Bob Keeger, Keegerator, fluffer nutter, the missile, and bubby. I loved him so much and I hope he knows that!

Why I'm glad I accidentally purchased waterproof mascara

The last couple of days have been super rough. Keegan got sick on Friday, and we had him admitted to UF Vet Med on Saturday when he took a turn for the worse. Currently he has a mass of either solidified fluid or mucecelle in his gall bladder. This is causing peritonitis and acute liver failure. Of course the easiest fix is surgery for $4000+. We cannot afford that at all, in fact what we have paid thus far we cannot afford. Even if we could find the money it only has a 50% success rate. So we are attempting to treat him with meds and see if he gets any better. We are giving it two days to show significant improvement. If he doesn't then we have to prepare to say goodbye to our little buddy.

There are many things we do not know, and would not without surgery. For one, we don't know if the gall bladder has been perforated. There is some fluid, but not enough to definitively say it has. We don't know what caused the mass. We don't know even if we bring him through this bout that it won't reoccur.

So right now we wait, and cry, and miss him terribly while he sits in doggy hospital. I hurt for my little man. I want him to be ok. I want him to not feel pain. I want him to be a happy pup again. If he can't, I want him to be at peace.

This is Keegan

I haven't talked much about my pets accept within the context of having a baby, and how they would adjust. One of my furbabies isn't doing to hot today so I thought I would introduce him. I will introduce the other three over the next couple of weeks.

So with no further ado.....Nandina's Little Fire, aka Keegan.

Keegan is a shetland sheepdog, born in 2004. He is fluffy, sweet, barky (very barky), scared of thunder, hates wheels, is mortal enemies with the vacuum cleaner, loves his kitties, tolerates his Brisco dog, and LOVEs food. 

He can do fun tricks like play dead, dance, roll over, and shake. He knows he isn't allowed to eat his dinner until someone says "OK." He enjoys playing fetch and frisbee, scritchy scratchies, and humping the cats. 

Keegan has had some tough times though. He had two knee surgeries due to luxating patella (floating knee cap). 

He also has a penchant for eating inappropriate things. Socks, undies, unused diapers, paper, oh and poop! 

No matter what he is my buddy. He loves us unconditionally, and we love him. 

Little Princess, Little Tomboy

I always like to say I was my mother's daughter, and my father's son. While some aspects of my life hold true to this philosophy it isn't entirely accurate. Since I was an only child, and I was a female, I had to take on some generally accepted "boys" roles to also be the son my dad never had. I must clarify, my dad NEVER said he wished he had a son, or wished I had been a boy. I never felt the pressure to be the son, like Robin Scherbotsky does in How I Met Your Mother. But boys do fun things too, and for the longest time I was in a neighborhood with mostly all boys.

I had Tonka trucks, a BB gun, camo pants, ran around in the woods (or swamp, depending on the season), built serious forts, tried to skateboard (was terrible at it), worked on car engines, refinished furniture, did yard work, set up camp in the back yard, you get the point. I had cuts, scrapes and bruises all of the time. And I had a blast!

At the same time, I had barbie dolls, curling irons, pretty clothes, went to the mall, pretended to model with my best friend Keri, was boy crazy and went nuts over the New Kids on the Block. And to note when Keri and I would camp in the backyard, we had all of the comforts of a bedroom, lamps, lots of blankets and pillows, a radio and we would go to the candy store and stock up for the long night. I think they call that "glamping" now.

I was just as much a little princess as I was a tomboy. I really hope I can raise Elsa to live in both worlds, because both have so much to offer a kid.

Happy Mother's Day!

To all my momma friends out there, have a wonderful day with your kiddos! We had fun playing with the new water table.

Teething Sucks

This photo says it all.

The most creative parents

The most creative parents do stuff like this:

I can only hope I may have an ounce of this type of creativity.